Dan and I must be paying the same failed Hollywood screenwriters to pen our dreams. I also woke up hysterically laughing because it was just so terrible.
Open: I'm in a classroom wearing army fatigues. The class is full of the most ragtag bunch of soldiers you ever saw: a solider with thick glasses, an overweight guy, a sassy latina solider. Basically it's the setup to Renaissance Man (starring Danny Devito). In walks a young Steve Guttenberg wearing army fatigues but with a frilly milkmaid dress over it. Oh, you know that Mahoney, always looking for a reaction from the institution! And guess what, he gets it! Outcry from the classroom! Rabble rabble! How dare he! So un-American! Well, yes, so now we have my dream ripping off Police Academy.
I am outraged by the class so I decide to defend my wacky upstart friend. Then what happens next is the worst- I end up jumping in front of the class and give this bizarre patriotic rant that starts off how we're all in this together, and if we're gonna fight these bastards overseas, we gotta be ready to sleep in the sand next to dead bodies, and how we gotta defecate while sitting on wooden boxes, and how we gotta be ready to see the worst God himself created in man, because we're Americans damnit, (no lie, Glory Golory Halleluya starts playing from somewhere), and how we gotta see our own best pals get sprayed with machine gun fire, and how we gotta see our best friends dodge RPG attacks (and here's the kicker), so how in the world can we see all that if we can't (the whole class erupts in unison) "...SEE A MAN IN A DRESS!" Everyone starts cheering and hi-fiving. I wake up realizing I had just ripped off the Bill Murray "It just doesn't matter" scene in Meatballs.